Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers start to goof around? Here are some of the rejects. 

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My tire was thumping. 
I thought it was flat 

When I looked at the tire... 

I noticed your cat. 

Sorry!

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   Heard your wife left you, 
How upset you must be. 

But don't fret about it... 

She moved in with me. 

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Looking back over the years 

that we've been together, 

I can't help but wonder... 

'What the hell was I thinking?' 

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Congratulations on your wedding day! 

Too bad no one likes your husband. 

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how could two people as beautiful as you, 

Have such an ugly baby? 

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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. 

I never believed in Hell until I met you. 

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Congratulations on your promotion. 
Before you go... 

Would you like to take this knife out of my back? 

You'll probably need it again.

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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! 

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )

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When we were together, 
you always said you'd die for me. 

Now that we've broken up, 

I think it's time you kept your promise.

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We have been friends for a very long time ... 

let's say we stop?

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I'm so miserable without you, 

it's almost like you're here.

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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. 

Did you ever find out who the father was? 

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Your friends and I wanted to do 

something special for your birthday. 

So we're having you put to sleep.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So your daughter's a hooker, 
and it spoiled your day. 

Look at the bright side, 

it's really good pay