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THE
SECOND ARK
In the year 2008 the
Lord came unto Noah, who was now
living in
England ,
and said: 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before
me. Build another Ark and
save two of every living thing along with a few good
humans.'
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying: 'You have 6
months to build the
Ark before
I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights.'
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard, but no Ark.
'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where
is the Ark ?'
'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have
changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've
been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a
sprinkler system.
My neighbours claim that I
should have obtained planning permission for
building the Ark in
my garden
because it is development of the site, even
though in my view it is
a temporary structure. 
We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State
for a decision.
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be
posted for the future costs of moving power lines and
other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark 's
move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be
coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent
trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live
in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order
to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the
owls - but no-go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against
their will. They argued the accommodation was too
restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so
many animals in a confined space.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the
Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
they'd conducted an environmental
impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint
with the Equal Opportunities Commission on
how many disabled carpenters
I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The
trades unions say
I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my
assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country
illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive
me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark. '
 Suddenly
the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not
going to destroy the world?'
'No,' said the Lord. 'The British government are beating
me to it.'
Thanks to Bryan in
England |
