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Men are like laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.

Men are like bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.


Men are like the weather. Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like electric blenders. You need one but you're not sure why.

Men are like chocolate bars ... Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your thighs.


Men are like coffee. The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like TV commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like department store sales. Their clothes are always half off.

Men are like government bonds. They take over 25 years to mature.

Men are like horoscopes. They always try to tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like popcorn. They satisfy you ... but only for a little while.

Men are like lava lamps ... fun to look at but not very bright.

Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Men are like computers ... hard to figure out and never have enough memory.


Men are like portable coolers... load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.


Men are like sink plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the toilet.


What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.


How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.


What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that make dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odours and don't work half the time.


What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.


Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.


What's the difference between men and interest bearing deposits? IBDs eventually mature.


How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.


How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know... it's never happened.


What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.


Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.


Our thanks to Earl Bowings

retirement housing on less than a shoestring

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